Sita
The thought just won't get out of my head, and my procrastinating attitude is surprisingly weak today. Many apologies for breaking the silence. Now then let's get started...
The concept of the Desi boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is different from the American boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - the most important difference being that desi pairs don't live together before they marry. Normally this is supposed to imply that desi pairs don't have sex before they get married. Of course, I found out that this is not necessarily true. I should mention that it took me a few years to finally adapt to this reality setting where desi gf/bf couples could possibly have sex before they got engaged...
Getting all that background stuff out of the way, let me tell you what happened today that made me write this entry. In a late evening conversation, my desi friend casually slipped up that he had sex with his desi girl friend after he broke up with her. So what? Well, the problem is that I'm not able to digest this one easily...
What in hell does sex-after-break-up mean for the desi girl? She knows she's not going to live with the guy for sure... right? Does the act mean anything now? Isn't this cheating? Or is it supposed to be a really lame attempt to win back the loved one, something fueled by jealousy, longing etc.? Giving no further room to stupidly debate on the interpretation, my take is that the act reflects poorly on one's character. I just lost a lot of respect for that girl today. And I feel tremendously let down by this portrayal of the supposedly super conservative south indian girl. Deep within I'm shattered... a bit of exaggeration, but honestly, not a lot. Contrastingly, my respect for my friend hasn't suffered so much of a damage. And I'd probably not make such a big deal out of the whole issue if the girl wasn't desi or south indian in the first place.
Oh, so why such a sexist stand? Isn't the guy equally to blame? Really good question. Implicit in the above argument against the girl, is the portrayal that guys are just immoral sex machines. Not in favor of belaboring the obvious, I'll just say that that's how they are portrayed these days anyways. No surprises there really. Really. ...Really!! ...Really??! (Arghhh... Alright now I'm kind of hating the guy too!) Maybe the whole point of this entry is to rant about how much I am offended coz someone proved to me today that the conservative portrayal of the south indian girl might just be a bullshit thing to believe in, today. Just like how a Muslim bro would feel when you tell him that Allah doesn't exist or how Lipton would react when someone claims that P=NP. Well, some footnoting here: I was just imagining what I'd have done if I was in my friend's position. The first thought that occurred to me was funny. I guess I'd just laugh it off when the topic of sex comes by! (The girl would probably think I'd turned the gay way!) With an ex-girlfriend, I guess I couldn't possibly be in a horny mood - coz it's over... right? Sex without meaning essentially amounts to treating her like a slut. Now, of course, someone who was good enough to be my ex-gf wouldn't lower herself so much. But seriously, I do wish I was being hypocritical while writing the last few sentences. Maybe I am just heavily footed in rationality these days - a general reason why I suck.
Anyways to find out the reason behind the sexist attitude, one has to take the Freudian route here -- Flashback Spirals to early childhood.
Long ago when I was a kid I heard the Ramayana. Such epics are taught in schools coz they are effective tools to instill a basic sense of good and evil when one's young. Of course it was influential.. no doubt. One major episode in the epic is when Rama doubts Sita's chastity after she returns from Lanka. It was like the stupidest thing that Rama ever did in the entire epic! For a long time, I was very mad at Rama for doubting Sita. Sita was an important figure in my life. She was a concept. She's the symbol that stands for the incorruptible Indian woman. Today I'm left wondering whether she's just a mythical concept... Maybe she is.
I know I'm wrong. Just a few bad apples here and there... This one's rotten enough to spoil my day.
The concept of the Desi boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is different from the American boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - the most important difference being that desi pairs don't live together before they marry. Normally this is supposed to imply that desi pairs don't have sex before they get married. Of course, I found out that this is not necessarily true. I should mention that it took me a few years to finally adapt to this reality setting where desi gf/bf couples could possibly have sex before they got engaged...
Getting all that background stuff out of the way, let me tell you what happened today that made me write this entry. In a late evening conversation, my desi friend casually slipped up that he had sex with his desi girl friend after he broke up with her. So what? Well, the problem is that I'm not able to digest this one easily...
What in hell does sex-after-break-up mean for the desi girl? She knows she's not going to live with the guy for sure... right? Does the act mean anything now? Isn't this cheating? Or is it supposed to be a really lame attempt to win back the loved one, something fueled by jealousy, longing etc.? Giving no further room to stupidly debate on the interpretation, my take is that the act reflects poorly on one's character. I just lost a lot of respect for that girl today. And I feel tremendously let down by this portrayal of the supposedly super conservative south indian girl. Deep within I'm shattered... a bit of exaggeration, but honestly, not a lot. Contrastingly, my respect for my friend hasn't suffered so much of a damage. And I'd probably not make such a big deal out of the whole issue if the girl wasn't desi or south indian in the first place.
Oh, so why such a sexist stand? Isn't the guy equally to blame? Really good question. Implicit in the above argument against the girl, is the portrayal that guys are just immoral sex machines. Not in favor of belaboring the obvious, I'll just say that that's how they are portrayed these days anyways. No surprises there really. Really. ...Really!! ...Really??! (Arghhh... Alright now I'm kind of hating the guy too!) Maybe the whole point of this entry is to rant about how much I am offended coz someone proved to me today that the conservative portrayal of the south indian girl might just be a bullshit thing to believe in, today. Just like how a Muslim bro would feel when you tell him that Allah doesn't exist or how Lipton would react when someone claims that P=NP. Well, some footnoting here: I was just imagining what I'd have done if I was in my friend's position. The first thought that occurred to me was funny. I guess I'd just laugh it off when the topic of sex comes by! (The girl would probably think I'd turned the gay way!) With an ex-girlfriend, I guess I couldn't possibly be in a horny mood - coz it's over... right? Sex without meaning essentially amounts to treating her like a slut. Now, of course, someone who was good enough to be my ex-gf wouldn't lower herself so much. But seriously, I do wish I was being hypocritical while writing the last few sentences. Maybe I am just heavily footed in rationality these days - a general reason why I suck.
Anyways to find out the reason behind the sexist attitude, one has to take the Freudian route here -- Flashback Spirals to early childhood.
Long ago when I was a kid I heard the Ramayana. Such epics are taught in schools coz they are effective tools to instill a basic sense of good and evil when one's young. Of course it was influential.. no doubt. One major episode in the epic is when Rama doubts Sita's chastity after she returns from Lanka. It was like the stupidest thing that Rama ever did in the entire epic! For a long time, I was very mad at Rama for doubting Sita. Sita was an important figure in my life. She was a concept. She's the symbol that stands for the incorruptible Indian woman. Today I'm left wondering whether she's just a mythical concept... Maybe she is.
I know I'm wrong. Just a few bad apples here and there... This one's rotten enough to spoil my day.
posted by Ranjit | 9:18 PM
3 Comments:
Dude...people have sex after break-up...it's not such a huge deal. Specially for desi girls..who I think tend to get more attached and co-dependent. She should know better, obviously. But it happens. LIfe happens...and consequently...shit happens as well.
It's just that I hadn't come across such a story before...
BTW comments are moderated, so it might take a while to get published here. Sorry about that...
According to Ramayana, Rama after killing ravana and back to ayodhya, visits his countryside (in disguise), where some washermen talk to themselves ("Do you think, Im like rama who accepted his wife, when she was in someone else's place"). SO Rama wants to prove that Sita is a pativratha to all the world, hence the act. One could argue he could've ignored it. But being a king he cant go to every persons mind and change their attitude toward Sita. Although I personally dont like what he did, but he did to prove Sita's chastity to the entire world.
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